


hold on to the memories (they will hold on to you)

by sodelicate



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Falling In Love, Fireworks, Fluff, M/M, Marriage, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, it's all i can write apparently, usual kuroken fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 15:49:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17563421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodelicate/pseuds/sodelicate
Summary: "'Hm? What are you staring like that at me for?' Kenma asks.Kuroo blinks, needing a moment to adjust from being wrapped up in his thoughts to being back in reality. He pauses, taking the time to memorise the exact contours of the shadows cast on Kenma’s face, the colours reflected in his eyes and the breadth and depth of his smile, before slowly saying, 'We’re going to have sparklers every new year’s eve from now on.'(And maybe,maybe, that should’ve been a huge sign written in neon ink that he’s fallen utterly heads over heels for Kenma.)"In which Kuroo falls hopelessly in love with Kenma and his smile, they play with sparklers, and there is generally a lot of fluff.





	hold on to the memories (they will hold on to you)

**Author's Note:**

> this one's based on a [tumblr request](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/post/182345600802/hi-could-you-do-cause-i-see-sparks-fly) for KuroKen with the lyrics "'Cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile". the song is ['Sparks Fly' by Taylor Swift](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKar-tF__ac), one of my favourite songs. :D the title of this fic is, coincidentally, from ['New Year's Day' by the same artist.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8QV5fa7xa4)
> 
> also, shoutout to [my Discord wife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Louie_writes), [my Discord daughter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kourota) and [my Discord dad](url) for helping me come up with ideas and cheering me on through a nasty writer's block. y'all the best <3
> 
> this is, in no shape or form, an accurate representation of wedding ceremonies in Japan.

Few things are able to elicit a genuine smile from Kenma, Kuroo realises at the tender age of ten. He can count them on his fingers: video games, apple pies and the occasional lame joke Kuroo likes to make (if he doesn’t roll his eyes first). There’s something about a smile that rare like a precious diamond that fuels a desire in Kuroo to want to see more, so he begs his parents to pay him pocket change in exchange for doing chores. He offers to walk his neighbour’s dog for thirty yen per walk. He restrains himself from splurging on snacks during lunchtime in school, and let him tell you that that’s harder than any chore or walk he’s had to do.

But the small smile quirking at Kenma’s lips when he, with trembling hands desperate to please his new friend, presents Kenma with a box of apple pie and the new Pokemon game is worth all that. Kenma’s golden eyes sparkle; something in Kuroo’s chest twinges with an odd sensation he has neither the vocabulary nor the experience to identify.

“I was wondering why I kept seeing you walking Haizaki-san’s dog every evening,” Kenma says, his dull voice contrasting with the fireworks in his smile like complementary colours. “You didn’t have to. I nearly had enough money to buy the game myself.”

“Well, you can, um, save that money?” Kuroo, distracted by the positively ethereal smile on Kenma’s face, fumbles. It’s not his fault that Kenma hardly ever smiles like this, so when he actually does it throws Kuroo for quite the loop. “To—to buy yourself another game in the future? Or more apple pies? I—I don’t know! It’s your money, do what you want.”

Kenma rolls his eyes. “What are you getting so flustered over? But…” His voice softens ever so slightly. “Thanks, Kuro. Thank you for thinking of me.”

“N-no problem. No problem at all!” It really isn’t one. He’s pretty much always thinking of Kenma anyway.

(If Kuroo’s strange consuming desire to seek out Kenma’s smile wasn’t indicative enough, the fact that he could swear he’s seeing sparks flying from Kenma’s smile should have been the first sign that he is slowly but surely falling for his best friend.)

 

* * *

 

It’s their first new year’s eve together, so Kuroo isn’t quite sure what he was expecting when he fished a packet of sparklers out of his pocket and held it out to Kenma like a tribute or offering. Perhaps a questioning eyebrow raise. Or maybe a disinterested shrug. Or possibly even an outright rejection on the basis that sparklers are lame or dangerous.

But Kenma’s eyes lighting up like he’s just stolen the stars and accepting the sparklers with more enthusiasm than Kuroo thought he’s even capable of? Definitely not that.

He watches, half-amused and half feeling like someone stole not just the air in his lungs but his entire lungs altogether, as Kenma removes two sparklers from the packaging and hands one to Kuroo. Kenma’s starstruck expression doesn’t budge an inch while their parents light up their sparklers for them. His eyes are completely fixated on the glow the handheld firework is giving off, and Kuroo’s eyes are completely fixated on Kenma.

In all honesty, he’s never given much thought to sparklers. Sure, they’re fun and pretty and glowy. He had no idea sparklers could look so pretty when held in Kenma’s hands and lit up by Kenma’s eyes.

“Hm? What are you staring like that at me for?” Kenma asks.

Kuroo blinks, needing a moment to adjust from being wrapped up in his thoughts to being back in reality. He pauses, taking the time to memorise the exact contours of the shadows cast on Kenma’s face, the colours reflected in his eyes and the breadth and depth of his smile, before slowly saying, “We’re going to have sparklers every new year’s eve from now on.”

(And maybe, _maybe_ , that should’ve been a huge sign written in neon ink that he’s fallen utterly heads over heels for Kenma.)

 

* * *

 

Six years have simultaneously crawled and flown by. Kuroo is pleased to report that yes, their annual tradition of playing with sparklers on new year’s eve has been kept alive. Of course it would. Kenma, even at an age that’s halfway through adolescence, still adores the shit out of sparklers, and Kuroo feels the same about his smile.

Now that they are no longer children but teenagers relatively wiser about the dangers of sparklers, they don’t need their parents to light their sparklers for them. Kuroo feels oddly grown up as he holds the lighter to Kenma’s sparkler, like he’s shed an old skin and is regrowing a new one.

And now that they’re older, other things have changed. For instance, Kenma’s face is longer and thinner, yet also more defined. His hair is longer, bleached blond and tickling his jawline. His hands are larger and his fingers longer, making the sparkler looking smaller than it did six years ago.

But still, some things never change. The golden sparks flying from the tip of Kenma’s fireworks are reflected in the shimmer of his matching eyes, and even more sparks flutter from the awestruck smile on his face. Even though his face is older now, the shadows cast by the light contour to fit his face like they’re meant to be there, like they’ve always meant to be there.

Kenma still takes Kuroo’s breath away, and Kuroo doubts that will ever change.

Without thinking, he offhandedly brushes his fingers against Kenma’s hand—the one clutching the sparkler—and says, “I’m glad you’re the one I’ve fallen in love with. I’m so glad, kitten.”

Kenma’s head jerks upwards, his eyes widening as he gapes at Kuroo. Bathed in the glow of sparks, the blush flooding through his face is washed in precious gold.

Silence reigns for what feels like forever. Kuroo starts to wonder if perhaps that’s something he shouldn’t have said. It felt so natural, an organic progression in their relationship. So wrapped up in his warm fluttery feelings for his best friend, he never paused to consider the possibility that maybe Kenma didn’t hold such feelings for him.

But then Kenma’s eyes soften and his smile widens. His other hand reaches up to cover Kuroo’s. “Really, Kuro? You’re confessing to me on new year’s eve? How hopelessly sappy.”

Kuroo releases a breath he was holding unbeknownst to himself. The tension floods out of him like water behind a dam, replaced by a curious mixture of soft warmth and burning passion. “It’s your fault. If you hadn’t made me fall for you, I wouldn’t have become so ‘hopelessly sappy’.”

“Dork.” Kenma pauses, his eyes zeroing in on the lower half of Kuroo’s face, making Kuroo feel as though all his thoughts and feelings are laid bare before him to analyse. “Shut up and kiss me already.”

Kuroo laughs, definitely not expecting a response like that, before leaning down to indulge Kenma. With one hand covered by Kenma’s, the other gently clasps Kenma’s face, pulling him into their first kiss. Their lips slot perfectly together the way two lovers held together by the string of fate fit in one another’s arms do.

(Once upon a time, he could see the sparks flying from Kenma’s smile. Now, he can taste them, so he relishes it. He holds on to the kiss, and the kiss holds on to him.)

 

* * *

 

A rollercoaster of two years zip by Kuroo before he realises it. In some ways, it’s been the most difficult two years he’s ever had, what with having to manage the stress of his studies, ascending to captain status on his volleyball team and the challenges of dating his childhood best friend. He’d thought it would be easy, since he and Kenma have known each other for years now. How wrong he was. There was a host of awkwardness he and Kenma had to deal with. Having seen each other as merely friends for so long, transitioning into physical intimacy was a… challenge. Kuroo still remembers the awkwardness of trying to initiate the second kiss. The first kiss occurred in a moment when he was caught up in a whirlwind of emotions—but the second kiss was when the reality set in and he realised, _Oh. I’m about to kiss the guy who’s been my best friend since we were kids. How… how do I kiss him?_

He fumbled with his hands and stammered, wavering between reaching out to hold Kenma’s face and pulling away right before his fingers could make contact. There was plenty of blushing and fidgeting and excuses like “I want to, you know, kiss you, but I just… need a moment…” before Kenma rolled his eyes, pulled Kuroo down by his tie and kissed him right smack on the lips.

Besides the initial awkwardness of physical intimacy, there was also a fair bit of second-guessing and doubting, as much as Kuroo hates to admit it. He was on both sides of the issue: he reassured Kenma of his feelings when Kenma expressed insecurity—and believe him when he says it took a lot of prodding to get Kenma to open up like that—and he himself had his own fear. Fear that Kenma only agreed to date him because he’s one of the few people Kenma is comfortable with spending time with and not ‘cause he returned Kuroo’s feelings, and then guilt for not having enough faith in Kenma. He made a brave endeavour to conceal these complicated feelings from Kenma (hypocritical, he knows, shut up), but he should’ve known better. Kenma can read players from opposing teams he’s never met before like an open book; there’s no way he wouldn’t be able to suss Kuroo out. Kuroo still remembers the confrontation they had, for… reasons.

“You keep eyeing me like I’m about to disappear or something,” Kenma said, glancing up from his video game to pierce Kuroo with his catlike eyes. “I won’t, you know. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

While sweet, that didn’t exactly reassure Kuroo. He paused, searching desperately for the right words to use. Words that would voice his worries without offending or hurting Kenma. “… Why?”

Kenma stared at him like he’d just declared he hated volleyball or cats. “Why what? Why there’s nowhere else I’d rather be?”

Kuroo flinched ever so slightly at the bluntness of the question. “Uh, yeah? Like… do you—why did you—do you actually—” Goddammit, why was it so hard to ask just one question?

“Just spit it out, Kuro. I’m not some fragile snowflake who would shatter at your words.”

“Ah, right. Heh heh.” Kuroo fidgeted on his bed as he forced the next words out. “So, uh, do you like-like me or is it just, um—just ‘cause I’m like… I’m like, you know—”

“The best option currently present?” Kenma’s eyes narrowed. He placed his game console down on Kuroo’s bedside table, then turns his attention back to Kuroo. Kuroo barely had any time to rethink all his life choices before Kenma all but pounced on his lap. His hands kept Kuroo’s shoulders in an iron grip while his knees straddled Kuroo’s hips tightly.

“Kenma, what are you—”

“What do I need to do to show you I’m serious about this—serious about us?” His hands let go of Kuroo’s shoulders and moved to his shirt, where he undid the top two buttons, exposing the pale skin of his chest. “This?”

Kuroo’s face heated up so rapidly he felt like a volcano about to erupt. “Wha—Kenma! No no no, that wouldn’t be necessary. I think I get your message,” he stammered. As tempting a certain part of his brain thought it would be… “And besides, kitten, we’re underage. So, uh, maybe… maybe another time?”

Kenma rolled his eyes again, though Kuroo spotted a smattering of pink dusting his cheekbones. “Fine, as long as you get what I mean.”

And Kuroo did, a little too well.

But in other ways, it’s been the best two years too. After working through the initial awkwardness and second-guessing, their relationship has been a ton of fun too. Physical intimacy is something they both enjoy after experimenting and discovering what they like, and in terms of the emotional connection—in some aspects, it’s almost the same as what it was before. He is Kenma’s safe place, and Kenma is his. They talk, banter and confide each other. But sometimes he gazes at Kenma and a firework of feelings go off in him—feelings he didn’t realise he had until he randomly blurted it out one fine new year’s eve, and feelings that have only grown ever since.

“Kuro.”

Kuroo blinks twice, adjusting to being out of his head and back into reality. “Yes, kitten?”

“Sparkler.” Kenma holds out the aforementioned item to him expectantly. It’s already lit up, the sparks dancing in the cool air against the obsidian backdrop of the night sky.

“Thanks.” Kuroo takes it, letting his hand brush against Kenma’s.

A fond smile stretches across his face as he watches Kenma’s wide eyes drink in the beauty of his sparkler. Eight years have gone by since their first new year’s eve together, and so much has changed—who they are as people, their relationship with each other—but not this. Kenma still loves sparklers, and Kuroo still loves Kenma.

“Hey love, look here,” Kuro calls out softly. Kenma looks up, his eyebrow quirked. With a grin and flourish, Kuroo twirls his sparkler around. Each stroke disappears when he begins a new one, but the pinched expression on Kenma’s face indicates he understands perfectly well what Kuroo’s trying to get at.

“God, Kuro, can you get any sappier? Writing _I love you_ in the air, seriously?” The faint blush on Kenma's face illuminated by the sparks contrasts the coldness of those statements, though.

“Why, I thought I was being romantic.”

“You say romantic, I say stupid.”

Kuroo splays his hand dramatically on his chest. “Oh love, how you wound me.”

“Hey lovebirds, quit flirting!” Yaku yells from a short distance away. Together with the rest of the Nekoma, they’ve gathered in Kuroo’s backyard to celebrate the new year together for the last time as a team. He’s standing beside Lev to monitor his sparkler-playing, presumably to make sure he doesn’t accidentally commit arson, knowing what Lev can be like. “We’re gonna start the countdown soon.”

Right. It’s new year’s eve. In just a minute, it’s going to be a new year. With a new year comes a new set of challenges and changes (goodbye living right next to Kenma and hello college dorm on the other side of Tokyo). Just thinking about it ties anxious knots in Kuroo’s chest.

When Yamamoto begins the countdown with an enthusiastic cry of “Five!”, Kuroo sidles closer to Kenma and curls his arm securely around his waist. When they first started dating, Kenma would jolt a little whenever Kuroo hugged his waist, not being accustomed to such contact. But now, other than leaning back to rest his head on Kuroo’s shoulder, he barely reacts. They’ve acclimated to each other’s touch in this new venture of theirs. There’s a sense of safety in that familiarity, Kuroo finds. He doesn’t want college to change that.

“Four!”

But then again, if there’s anything he’s learned, it’s that change isn’t always a bad thing. The proof is in his arms right now. If they could adapt to a change like that, Kuroo sees no reason why they wouldn’t be able to take on whatever the new year throws at them. Others may call him naive for believing so; he thinks it’s called faith.

“Three!”

And here’s the thing. Kuroo _was_ planning on waiting for the final second before getting that new year’s kiss from Kenma. Key word: _was_. But, looking down at the radiant glow the sparklers are casting on Kenma’s face and making his lips oh-so tantalising, he just can’t resist. Besides, the only difference between kissing at the third-to-last second and the last is that he gets to kiss Kenma for a little longer. Not a bad trade-off, if you ask him.

In one fluid motion, he swoops down and steals a kiss from Kenma just as he glances up to meet Kuroo halfway. Their lips meld together like rain meeting the earth in a summer storm. Kuroo can taste the apple pie lingering on Kenma’s tongue, feel Kenma’s warm hand cup the base of his neck, smell the faint scent of smoke and metal powder on the both of them. In the background, Yamamoto and the rest yell “HAPPY NEW YEAR!” and fireworks go off, but Kuroo is too caught up in the kiss to bother pulling away just yet.

(He’s started the new year with kissing Kenma. What a wonderful way to enter a new chapter of their life together.) 

 

* * *

 

Five years whizz by like a train after you’ve gotten off at your station. At this point, sparklers have become the icon representing Kuroo and Kenma’s relationship. Now, sparklers are used not exclusively for new year’s eve anymore, but for other occasions—birthdays, anniversaries, random festivals, you name it. Heck, even for their proposal Kuroo showed up with a packet of sparklers and a ring.

And now, here he is, standing in front of a shrine and about to promise himself to the love of his life. Basked in the fiery embers of the sunset behind him, flecks of gold reflecting off his now shoulder-length blond hair, Kenma is positively the most beautiful being Kuroo has ever been blessed to have met. He’s been trying to hold back his tears for the past half hour or so—but when Kenma recites his vow to Kuroo with sparks flying from the smile Kuroo loves so dearly, he can’t hold them back anymore. It starts off a single tear rolling down his right cheek. Then more flood out, until he’s full-on sobbing in front of all their friends and their families. No, _family_ now, because with Kenma having completed his vows they are officially one now.

This—this is all he’s wanted. A lifetime with Kenma by his side, a lifetime to admire the vivid polychromatic sparks shimmering in the air whenever Kenma smiles. And he has it. It’s been nothing short of a difficult journey—they’ve had to work through a year of long-distance communication when Kuroo was in university and Kenma in his final year of high school, work schedules that tend to disagree, and other people trying to schmooze their way into their relationship. But they’ve made it through, and they’re here now, and this realisation is doing so many things to Kuroo’s emotions he doesn’t give a single damn that he’s sobbing like a baby in front of pretty much everyone in his social circle.

“C’mon, you hopeless dork,” Kenma mutters. “How am I supposed to kiss you if you’re all snivelly and snotty?”

“Ha, like you’re any better yourself, kitten,” Kuroo retorts, noticing the unusual brightness in Kenma’s eyes.

“Shut up, at least I’m not having a near-breakdown during our wedding like some dumb sap.”

“Oh kitten, if only you were sappier yourself—”

“Can you two just kiss and get it done and over with?” Yaku interrupts from the first row. “Some of us are getting hungry and bored here.”

“How tactless of you, Yakkun,” Kuroo sniffs haughtily. “We were having a moment here.”

But when someone tells him to kiss Kenma, it’s not like he can resist. He grasps Kenma’s chin lightly and draws him into a tender kiss. Cheers and catcalls erupt from the congregation.

“Last long, you two!”

“Go get some, Cap’n!”

“Don’t be crude, Tora.”

“Make sure to name your firstborn after me!”

“Or me!”

“Idiot, neither ‘Kuroo Shouyou’ or ‘Kozume Shouyou’ sound good.”

“And what do you know, Bakageyama? You nearly named our dog ‘Woof’!”

Kuroo laughs when he breaks away from the kiss. Their family—consisting of people related to them by blood as well as bonds forged through volleyball—is a huge, wild (and horny, in certain parties’ cases) mess. Kuroo is so glad to be able to share them with Kenma.

The crowd files away to the reception, where Kuroo spends a good half of it in a vaguely tipsy haze. So much happens he can’t remember everything. The most of what he recalls consists of inelegant dancing, raucous laughter and bad animal-themed puns. The clearest thing in his memory is of Kenma throwing his head back and laughing, the sound like clear bells tinkling, when Hinata starts bickering with Kageyama for the fifth time that night.

For the grand finale is, obviously, sparklers and fireworks up on a hill near the shrine. It’s been their tradition ever since they were nine and ten respectively, and even though it’s not new year’s eve, this occasion is momentous enough to warrant pretty lights.

“We were just kids, kitten,” Kuroo murmurs to Kenma, their hands firmly clasped together, as they watch the lights dance at the tips of their sparklers. In the background, he thinks Hinata, Bokuto and Lev are running around with their sparklers (not a wise idea), Yaku and Kai talking, Shibayama and Inuoka holding hands and laughing—but he can’t be sure. All that he can see is Kenma. “Did you ever think we would make it this far, you and I?”

Kenma turns to him, the wide smile stretching from ear to ear far more brilliant and radiant than the sparks dancing in the air. A breeze gently combs itself through Kenma’s loose hair. The wispy strands twirl tantalisingly, tempting Kuroo to reach out and run his fingers through them and memorise the silkiness against his calloused skin. Kenma makes him want to do so many things with and to him.

Just then, fireworks burst up in the sky: shimmers of molten gold, luminous indigo, fiery red and a myriad of other colours burn their mark against the onyx backdrop. Beautiful, so utterly, breathtakingly beautiful. For a moment, Kuroo forgets to breathe, almost forgets about his question until Kenma’s lips part and words are formed.

“I never had a shadow of a doubt.”

(And all at once, images of Kenma over the years, starting from childhood and reaching a ‘to be continued’ in young adulthood, flood through his mind. The memory of the first time he saw sparks flying from Kenma’s smile. The overwhelming urge to see that smile again, and the determination to make it happen again and again and again. The taste of those sparks for the first time with Kenma’s soft lips moving against his. The collage of memories—good and bad—from the first time they moved in together after Kenma graduated from high school. The fresh picture of Kenma smiling up at him as he said his vows, binding their fate together.

These are the memories he has held on to, and now they will hold on to him.)

**Author's Note:**

> i have so much KuroKen fluff in my system i'm not even kidding. thanks for reading!
> 
> chat with me on [tumblr](https://hqissodelicate.tumblr.com/)!


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